I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
