it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
