We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
