I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
