ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
