I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
