Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
