I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
