i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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