What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
