Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
