I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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