I think my vagina is haunted
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
