last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
