I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
