You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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