It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
