Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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