He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nutella sex= disaster
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
