I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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