Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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