My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
