I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
