Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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