i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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