he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
