I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
