i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
