Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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