Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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