I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
why is half of my head shaved?
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