a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
