Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
