he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
