at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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