I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
