i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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