I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
