Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
