that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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