Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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