watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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