If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
