Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Two words: blizzard sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
