and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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