I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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