So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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