some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
