So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
