so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
