You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
