We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
