so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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