I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
