Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
