dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
