didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
