just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
