I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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