when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
