Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
