I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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