saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
